you know those weeks where you sometimes really don't think you will make it to Friday. but then, all of the sudden Friday is here and you are slightly shocked and extremely excited. this week HAS been a long one to say the least, lots of things have been going on in the mccauley family world...we found out my dad had a stroke (around 2 weeks ago). to say we are grateful that he is ok and that nothing more serious happened would be an understatement.
with dad's cancer diagnosis, the tumor in my neck, tons of surgeries, doctors appointments, and everything else going on, i can still confidently say that God really does only give you what you can handle. i was talking to my mom the other day about how i havent really cried. about my dads cancer or about all of my surgeries and doctors appointments and the big unknown of the tumor in my neck...she went on to say, "i think it's bc you aren't scared. you really do have an overall peace about the situations God has placed you and our family in." i thought about that for a while, at first not really believing her AT ALL but i just keep thinking about what she said. of course i have moments of fear, where i feel it trying to creep up in situations but i think at the end of each day (especially in the past 2 months) i have a steady peace throughout all the unknown. i do trust in God's plan for my life and as i see him continually protecting my family from a bigger problem or something much worse i can honestly say i wouldn't change any of the situations we are in.
i have been realizing i need to blog about all of these things for a while now but havent really felt up to it. trying to figure out how to put things into words is either really easy for me or really hard, never much of an in between to be honest. i was telling a friend earlier in the week "sometimes the fear just creeps up and i'm having the hardest time pushing it away, and i hate that feeling of it owning you." my friend said, "i know it's hard to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. He's not going to put you through anything you cant handle though. yes he challenges us, and sometimes the challenges aren't easy, but he is for us. I know that's hard to believe maybe, but He loves you."
i think its the last part that really got me and thats when everything clicked. sometimes it can be that simple. that He is for us and He loves us. whatever the challenges or difficult situations are that come our way, He is for us and He loves us. if at the end of the day i truly believe that and live that out in my life, the fear will slip away and peace will creep in and fill my heart. don't get me wrong, there are some days where i feel like i need to be constantly reminded of that or have someone repeatedly encouraging me in that BUT that's ok.
and amidst all of these doctors appointments in dallas and houston i have felt SO loved. i know i've said this before as well but my friends and family know to love BIG. and they do it sooo well. i know a lot of people say they are "blessed" but i can honestly say my friends and family make me feel blessed every. single. day. whether it's a text or a hug or a small thing that they may not even realize, it goes so far with me and fills up my heart.
you know that feeling when you take a deep breath and didnt even realize you were holding it in, i have had those moments a lot recently, but it's in those moments that i realize the love that surrounds me, when i am able to take a big breath out, its like saying "phew, i am not doing any of this on my own." and i mean seriously, how blessed does that make me? i cant even describe.
i know in years or months i will be glad i wrote this little post. if for any reason is that i know the Lord has more to teach me in the coming months with trusting him through doctors and surgeons and medicines. and i THINK i am prepared to see how he will work through those situations. if anything, i know it will be for his glory, and as long as i can remember that He loves ME and He is for ME then i know everything will turn out just as he planned all along.
