Yep, He loves me.

If you really start to think about it you get ONE chance in life. Now, not in the everyday things but at the end of the day it's all about that one moment, that one opportunity where He breathed life into your soul and you started your journey that was not about you but about something SO. MUCH. BIGGER. It now becomes about living a life that glorifies Him. a life filled with forgiveness, love, and faith. with struggle and uphill battles. But at the end of the day knowing that HE is on my side. That he fights for me and loves me when I continue to screw up. over and over again. HE LOVES ME.

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14


I would say that verse has definitely carried me through the last year. It's probably one of the hardest things for me to do but He really has showed me what being still looks like. But even more what fighting for me looks like. Having someone who always has your back, who you can turn to, who loves you even though you are so broken and have made the same mistake for the 100th time. I can think about it all day and still be like "why me?" But it's simply what He has promised me.


God has been teaching me alot recently about patience. I have never really though of myself as being impatient but I see it in lots of small things in life. I think He is really teaching me what it is like to wrestle with things for the first time. That it's ok to be mad, frustrated, annoyed with Him. I feel like the more I allow myself to feel these emotions - the more answers I get. I love this...this feeling of being challenged. of not settling. of feeling the need to dig deeper for answers - in myself, in the bible, in relationships, in life. I think with this comes freedom and also excitement instead of fear of what is to come. It gives me much more peace to rest in His plan even though I may not always see the light at the end of tunnel in that specific moment. Being able to realize that NOT knowing is OK.


My friend Jenny sent me this you tube video of this worship song by Jonathan David Helser. Long story short it led me to downloading his CD on iTunes. In order to get the song I wanted, you had to buy the whole CD. It only has about 8 songs and some of them are like 15 minutes long so at first I was like wait, why did I just buy this? This is kinda weird. Needless to say I have been listening to it a little here and there. and I CAN'T STOP LISTENING to the end of his song In the Middle. Depending on the day it stirs up so many emotions in me but at the end of the day I feel like this song describes His promises. The love He has for me. Why he chose me and why he continues to forgive me and challenge me.


"Oh God, invading my space. You are closer than the skin on my broken frame. you know every word on my lips even before I speak. every day of my life Lord is written in Your book. You know me inside and out. You created me in my mother's womb. You never even thought about leaving me. even in my sin. even in my darkenss. even in my mess. YOU LOVE ME. You came down from heaven, perfect One. walked right into my sin and You washed the feet, the filthy feet of me. Who has ever heard of such a thing. that a King would wash his servants feet. Oh what a love, that the God of all, would come down from heaven above and wash the feet of the one He loves. You never leave."


And... I officially just rambled. ALOT. but I feel lighter. and grateful. and loved. Grateful just for friends, family and the direction God is leading my life in.

Wouldn't want it any other way...