sometimes i just need this blog to get my thoughts on a page. so that in a month i can come back and process and maybe see how the Lord has worked on some things in my life, my heart, anything along this crazy ride He puts me on. Wait, not that He puts me on. More like the crazy ride we are on TOGETHER. that's probably the #1 thing i need to remind myself of, is that i'm not alone. ever.

a few things that i can't stop wrestling with...

respect.
what it looks like to receive it. from people i barely know and from people i love the most. mainly i think i have been reflecting on what it looks like for a boy to fully respect me. since i'm single i feel like the Lord is just continually opening my eyes to what he desires for me and i am slowly receiving it and learning its meaningfullness and necessity in my life. i read a blog post from Donald Miller a few months ago and again yesterday and it just really gives insight on what this should look like and what the Lord desires for it to look like. also, just a reminder that if i continually pursue things that don't have respect as a huge focus, then they probably won't work out in the end...why i would want to continually disappoint myself, i'm not so sure?? but again this is a slow lesson and ill take it : )

compassion.
this weekend i saw The Help. needless to say it sparked tons of thoughts in my mind and my heart. not just this movie but just the daily life we live. i find myself asking, how do i give compassion to people i love and walk with day in and day out? how do i give compassion to people i hardly know or people i dont even know at all? what does compassion look like? is it money, prayer, love, hugs, etc? this is a newer thing for me i guess but just with everything going on in the world, in my life, i want to be consicious of how i am called to use compassion in my day-to-day life.

gratefulness.
recently, everytime i spend time with friends, family, Marquejah i just have this overwhelming feeling of gratefulness. almost like i just want to shout to anyone that will listen..."how did I get ALL of THIS??" i guess if anything i am just reminded that i am grateful. blessed. that all of these people in my life are sooo precious to me. i find myself more and more ferociously defensive of the people in my tight knit circle and grateful that my circle has so much purpose and love and joy for every. single. person in it. why He ever gave me so much joy through these people i will never know but i wouldn't change it for the world.

struggle.
there are way too many things to list that i am struggling with in my life. i go back and forth with things that i just want gone. but it's like no matter where i am at, the Lord just continues to whisper "at least you're struggling." and the more i think about it, it's true. struggle can be hard and horrible but at the same time, it can be SO good. and the Lord promised ME that I would struggle. he never promised me the easy road and in the end i know that's not what i want. instead i want to be sharpened and challenged and always struggling. hopefully not always with the same things but, struggling all the same.

prayer.
the power of it. the NEED for it daily, hourly, in my life. the way when you finally "make the time" it allows you to feel like you and God are just bff's solving the world's problems one sentence at a time. just a necessity that gives me so much joy and clarity BUT needs to be done more often. also, through the village church i feel like the Lord has really shown me the true power in prayer and how He wants us to use it and what can come from it.

being intentional.
not so much with people because i feel like that is one thing i love to do. but just with the simple things that in the moment don't ever feel simple, easy, or exciting - working out, grocery shopping, eating healthy, reading my bible. all of these things are necessities (or should be) but i find my self not really liking to do and always putting off for one stupid reason or the other.

phewwww. it's been a while since i blogged and i instantly have a weight off my shoulders. there is something about getting it out of your mind and onto paper or this blog for that matter that somehow makes it real, which can be tough, but at the same time somehow makes things seem much more attainable.

so, here i go...