sometimes i just need this blog to get my thoughts on a page. so that in a month i can come back and process and maybe see how the Lord has worked on some things in my life, my heart, anything along this crazy ride He puts me on. Wait, not that He puts me on. More like the crazy ride we are on TOGETHER. that's probably the #1 thing i need to remind myself of, is that i'm not alone. ever.
a few things that i can't stop wrestling with...
respect.
what it looks like to receive it. from people i barely know and from people i love the most. mainly i think i have been reflecting on what it looks like for a boy to fully respect me. since i'm single i feel like the Lord is just continually opening my eyes to what he desires for me and i am slowly receiving it and learning its meaningfullness and necessity in my life. i read a blog post from Donald Miller a few months ago and again yesterday and it just really gives insight on what this should look like and what the Lord desires for it to look like. also, just a reminder that if i continually pursue things that don't have respect as a huge focus, then they probably won't work out in the end...why i would want to continually disappoint myself, i'm not so sure?? but again this is a slow lesson and ill take it : )
compassion.
this weekend i saw The Help. needless to say it sparked tons of thoughts in my mind and my heart. not just this movie but just the daily life we live. i find myself asking, how do i give compassion to people i love and walk with day in and day out? how do i give compassion to people i hardly know or people i dont even know at all? what does compassion look like? is it money, prayer, love, hugs, etc? this is a newer thing for me i guess but just with everything going on in the world, in my life, i want to be consicious of how i am called to use compassion in my day-to-day life.
gratefulness.
recently, everytime i spend time with friends, family, Marquejah i just have this overwhelming feeling of gratefulness. almost like i just want to shout to anyone that will listen..."how did I get ALL of THIS??" i guess if anything i am just reminded that i am grateful. blessed. that all of these people in my life are sooo precious to me. i find myself more and more ferociously defensive of the people in my tight knit circle and grateful that my circle has so much purpose and love and joy for every. single. person in it. why He ever gave me so much joy through these people i will never know but i wouldn't change it for the world.
struggle.
there are way too many things to list that i am struggling with in my life. i go back and forth with things that i just want gone. but it's like no matter where i am at, the Lord just continues to whisper "at least you're struggling." and the more i think about it, it's true. struggle can be hard and horrible but at the same time, it can be SO good. and the Lord promised ME that I would struggle. he never promised me the easy road and in the end i know that's not what i want. instead i want to be sharpened and challenged and always struggling. hopefully not always with the same things but, struggling all the same.
prayer.
the power of it. the NEED for it daily, hourly, in my life. the way when you finally "make the time" it allows you to feel like you and God are just bff's solving the world's problems one sentence at a time. just a necessity that gives me so much joy and clarity BUT needs to be done more often. also, through the village church i feel like the Lord has really shown me the true power in prayer and how He wants us to use it and what can come from it.
being intentional.
not so much with people because i feel like that is one thing i love to do. but just with the simple things that in the moment don't ever feel simple, easy, or exciting - working out, grocery shopping, eating healthy, reading my bible. all of these things are necessities (or should be) but i find my self not really liking to do and always putting off for one stupid reason or the other.
phewwww. it's been a while since i blogged and i instantly have a weight off my shoulders. there is something about getting it out of your mind and onto paper or this blog for that matter that somehow makes it real, which can be tough, but at the same time somehow makes things seem much more attainable.
so, here i go...
this past weekend we had the 2011 McPhail Family Reunion! with almost 40 people split among two houses we had tons of fun and tons of catching up to do since the last time we had one was in 2004...We spent 3 nights at Lake LBJ in these awesome log houses with pools and lake views. we had lots of margaritas, sangria, unlimited queso from el arroyo, and lots of memories were definitely made.
on friday night since everyone was together, we had the first celebration for my grandpa's upcoming 90th birthday with the entire extended family. we had an awesome airplane cake, lots of stories, some tributes to him from his brother and at the end he wanted to share a poem that he learned in high school that had carried him to where he is now.
needless to say there weren't many dry tears as he recited it (from MEMORY!!...did i mention he is 90??) i had the chance to be sitting right next to him as he got teary eyed and he slowly recited it, i felt like he was drawing memories from each verse as tears came down his face. anyway, that was a moment I will never forget and this poem is definitely one that I feel I will carry with me from this point forward.
Rudyard Kipling "When Earth's Last Picture is Painted"
"When Earth's last picture is painted
And the tubes are twisted and dried
When the oldest colors have faded
And the youngest critic has died
We shall rest, and faith, we shall need it
Lie down for an aeon or two
'Till the Master of all good workmen
Shall put us to work anew
And those that were good shall be happy
They'll sit in a golden chair
They'll splash at a ten league canvas
With brushes of comet's hair
They'll find real saints to draw from
Magdalene, Peter, and Paul
They'll work for an age at a sitting
And never be tired at all.
And only the Master shall praise us.
And only the Master shall blame.
And no one will work for the money.
No one will work for the fame.
But each for the joy of the working,
And each, in his separate star,
Will draw the thing as he sees it.
For the God of things as they are!"
i just love this and am kinda amazed that i have never heard it in my life. grateful that i got to share that moment with my gpa as he shared it with us, seeing how much it affected him, im excited to carry it with me from now on :)
how many times do I have to tell myself this before i believe it?!?
(deeeeep breath)
praying for tomorrow to be even more than amazing, how about that?
(and vacation)
last week in Seattle was everything that i needed for so many reasons.
i got to spend lots of time outdoors, driving with the windows down, not wearing makeup, playing croquet, hiking, sailing, tubing the icicle river, reading, laying in the hammock, camping (all by ourselves, such a proud moment), not sweating, spending time with family, swinging on the rope swing...i could go on and on.
Seattle is a place I love so much. I have been there countless times and always in the summer so it is normally lovely weather (a nice little break from Texas) which this time i seemed to be super grateful for since we are heading for the record number of days of 100+ degrees in Texas. SICK.
the more time i spend in a different place than texas and outside of my tight-knit community of friends and family the more i realize how people's world views are just soooo different. after conversations with my cousins, a random stranger on my plane from seattle to denver and my taxi driver from ethiopia i realized a few things: people have different opinions than you, believe completely different things but i guess what really hit home for me this past week was just that ultimately there is a place in your heart that only Jesus can fill. he created you and created that desire that nothing of this world will ever fill. i'm grateful that i have that in my life but my heart hurts for people that don't and that aren't interested at all. but at the same time i get excited to meet people that are interested in hearing my story or that also may have some wisdom to send my way.
3 different people/situations, 3 different stories, 3 different levels of insight. but ultimately desiring one thing. i just pray that everyone gets to that place on their own journey and have so much faith that the Lord will continue to pursue their hearts until they are there.
getting out of my comfort zone is always a good thing and i'm grateful to be reminded of that.
but now that vacation is over, back to reality. grateful that my reality is actually very awesome! blessed.
This girl could use a vacation and in less than 24 hours, this will be my view. literally.
So excited for cousin bonding time, 70 degree temps, hiking, camping, floating the river, wineries and lots and lots of memory making!
Bring on SEATTLE!!!
this is like a real-life version of a Bachelor date...and i think i'm in love!
(I think this picture would also work for #1 below)
2 things i learned/realized this weekend:
1. a couple weeks ago i was watching this q&a thing on the village website and matt chandler was talking about the sabbath and what that looks like for different people. he went on to say that the sabbath isnt just a sunday but was asking what time in your day/week/month do you withdraw from eveyrthing that consumes you and spend time with the lord where you heart actually is stirred. at first, i had the thought of i have NOTHING like this. no place. no special hideaway. sooo...i kept thinking about it for a while and then this weekend i went up to the lakehouse. just me and my parents and a few of their friends. but there is something about getting away i never really realized until i lived in the city. which i know seems silly, but it is true. but being up there i realized this is my place, this is where my heart is so easily stirred for the Lord. Whether it is spending time up there with all of my best friends or with just people over 50 i feel like i wouldn't want to be any other place but there. so im grateful that the Lord helped me realize that this weekend. and that he loves me. and gives me the good ol' moss lake to just rest in Him and see how perfect his creation is.
2. we got to spend some time with one of our married couple friends on saturday night and it was SO FUN. that's really about it but it was just encouraging to see them and how much fun they have and how well they love each other and are PERFECT for each other. gives a girl a little hope, which is never a bad thing...
i know this is so simple but i feel like its always so encouraging to see that God is always teaching me new things, and i love when i have my eyes open wide enough to actually see them.
